Every F*cking Day of My Life
6.95
Ratings: 6.95/10 from 79 users.
Married at 16 years – with 18 years of violence following – left Wendy terrified. She summoned the courage to deal with her husband the only way she knew possible.
Originally as One Minute to Nine, this documentary finally arrives at HBO with a somewhat more in-your-face title - and, in a stark, spare way that has come to characterize the pay channel, delivers a pretty bracing wallop.
A harrowing portrait of domestic abuse, the project draws heavily on video shot by the dead abuser, as his wife, Wendy Maldonado, spends her final days of freedom before going to jail for his murder.
The net result is every bit as chilling and depressing as one might expect. Includes captions for the hearing impaired.
Wendy should have gotten a medal for putting down that SOB. This documentary just shows how the legal system has much more to do with mindless protocol and procedure than actual justice.
It's not so much our legal system as the it was the judge who should have invoked the doctrine of equity, namely that a strict application of the law produces an inequable result.
I'm sorry but if all these people saw what was going on why didn't THEY do something. It's no good them just saying she told us we couldn't say anything. At what point do humans step in to help one another? Why is it always left up to the point where something SO drastic happens and it can't be taken back. Ignorance is bliss in most people's worlds which is a real shame.
Sometimes trying to "help" can only make things worse. Lets just say someone did speak up for her, chances are she would go right back to him after the legal dust settled and the abuse would then become 10x's worse. You never think that you would stay until it happens to you, and by then its too late. It always starts with a small explosion with an apology then progressively gets worse until you realize that you are stuck. Eventually desperation sets in and you either get tough back or wait until he/she kills you.
Does anyone have an update on this family? Did Wendy get out early? Randy?
I wish the best to all the family
There are a lot of very ignorant people making uninformed comments here. It is not as simple as just phoning the police or packing a bag and leaving. I know first hand that people with violent, volatile tendencies WILL find you, and they WILL hurt you worse than before.
The law is designed to protect criminals from society. It does not protect victims. In my jurisdiction, in the case of spousal domestic violence, there is nothing that can be done to keep one spouse away from the other. They will not issue peace bonds, restraining orders, etc. If harm occurs because of this, they will make a report (usually just over the phone) and give you an incident number. If you're really lucky, they will book the perpetrator, keep them in county overnight and release them the following day, only for the cycle of violence to continue.
You do not know how much violence, neglect and hatred one person is able to bear before they become homicidal. I cannot imagine the torment that this family went through for this to be the outcome. It saddens me that two young lives will miss years of freedom for someone else's crimes.
You can clearly see in the old video footage that Wendy was unhappy, always feigning a smile for the camera. Her whole energy changed in the current footage, like a huge weight was lifted off of her shoulders. It is astounding how the cycle of abuse can cover up so much of the truth, with the victim being made to appear unhealthy, sick, sleeping, busy, etc. to avoid seeing people that care for them to hide the pain, and the perpetrator seeming charming and charismatic for the same reason. Half of the battle in understanding abuse is the psychology of it. It is not all physical.
You are 100% right about everything you said and having been
a victim left with PTSD and a constant fear for my own
safety everyday even though i took myself and son away
from the abuser (my sons dna donor) who strangled, robbed me
and loosened my brake lines among other things. The police didnt do a thing about any of it!! Thank you for understanding it gives
me hope and reassurance that I am not alone and that maybe more people will start to see how the system really does fail the
victims and protects criminals. I appreciate you taking the time to put the reality of it out there in such a perfect way :)
a murder is a murder is a murder is a murder, no matter what the femminist propaganda says.
she could ask for the help of the police or for the help of a lawyer or for the help of the social service - but not committing murder.
in america one gets life in jail or the ellectric chair for committing murder.
she got only 10 yrs ??
and she will be probabillee free in some 6 yrs for "good behaviour" ?...
she also could leave the house, but again, not committing murder.
You're a ignoramus.
no. there are times when you can't. when my mom called the cops, they literally told her they couldn't do anything until one of us was in the hospital or dead. when you are dealing with a real psycho, one that will really kill you and their own children, all getting a retraining order (which is all the protection you can get) will do is trigger more hatred and violence and the threat of pulling other families into the danger. i back this woman to the fullest!
To educate you would be a waste of time. wat an id*ot!!! the lady was failed by the likes of you , SOCIAL SERVICES THE POLICE and anyone in our society that would blame a mother for potecting her children, AS FOR THE BROTHER...IF HE WAS A MAN OF GOD ?? why didnt he help stop the abuse of woman and children? He CAN save the judgement talk for himself. I AM IN THE WOMAN AND KIDS CORNER 100% glad the bully is dead and hope all woman dont have to kill someone in order for herself and her children stay alive. SHE DID THE RIGHT THING, no one will hurt her or her children again .
You are a shining example of how "a little bit of knowledge (in the hands of a fool) is a dangerous thing," Are you not paying attention or are you simply refusing to acknowledge the facts? Law enforcement and the legal system don't help or protect domestic violence victims. The perpetrators actually use these agencies to further abuse their victims; it's called abuse by proxy. You could not be more wrong. Self defense is not murder, it is justice. And remember, we don't have a justice system in this country; we have a legal system. Evil is real and state and federal agencies are not equipped to fight it. When evil is at your door, trying to enter your home, it is legal to annihilate it. It should be just as legal to annihilate it when it's sleeping in your bed! Ignorance like yours is why so many women and children are still being tortured and killed by terrorists in their own home in America every day!!! Since you're so supportive of this situation I can only wonder who you are torturing????
Oooh trust me, there is no way that in a situation like this anyone can step in. My mother, my 2 sisters, my 2 brothers and I had to pass through a similar situation, my dad tried to killed me mom 3 or 4 times that I can remember of, once he tried to kill us all. Call the police yeah sure! go ahead and if he gets out, trust me you will be dead in the next couple of hours. Leave the house, of course my mother tried and when my father found us, he almost killed her.
My father's family new what was happening and they didn't do anything, they ignored the our pain. We had to suffer for 17 years until my mom had the balls to get away from him. I can't tell you how much I wish these situations were different, but the fear not only for our lives but other people, who can get hurt or kill during the process. My dad is still alive and beating another women, I guess they never really change. I hope you are better informed now, don't be such an *****.
what an amazing and strong woman, I cannot even begin to fathom how hard all of this had to have been.
aaron is beautiful, she deserved it. they used to live next to me. It was wendy who was mean you didn't see that side of the story!
Really?!?!?! There is so much evidence showing all the crazy things he did to his family. Did you not see the 4 or 5 neighbors that said he beat her right in front of them? Did you not see what he did to that deer or hear the song he wrote. Lastly did you not hear the cry's of the children. Your either are bullshi*ting or a completely i*iot and a very bad judge of character.
Seriously?? Maybe you better just go back to the crack pipe honey. . . . Let me help educate you a little bit here. When people are being tortured, when their lives are being threatened daily and their children's minds and hearts are being bent by evil husbands and fathers who are supposed to love them, they get angry. Wendy may well have not behaved well. People who are being abused don't. They are hurt, angry and confused to a mind numbing degree. For you to sit at a distance and judge the behavior of an abuse victim is just more evil added to an already evil situation. Good Lord!!
Aaron, that B*STARD father or should I say, that demon who some-how tricked Wendy into involving herself in his world of sick, twisted, and horrific violence and control, got exactly what he deserved. Sadly, Wendy and Randy had to pay for the climax of that world, that insanity, that horror. Yes, the law is the law. I know many of you are asking, well why didn't she just leave? You must be young and not very experienced in the ways of human interaction. That's o.k. You'll learn as you grow. But! Know this. IF you become like Aaron and beat those you profess to love, there are ways of doing what Wendy was forced to do but, unfortunately, did not have a "special" phone number used by many who are routinely beaten by their loved ones. This phone number connects those beaten to those VERY opposed to this form of torture and madness and gets done what Wendy did but, you will NEVER know when, where, how, and by whom. It WILL happen to you just like it happened to Aaron but, it will be a little more painful and bloody. And your victim will get their life back- and IF trusted, will even get financial help to move out of the State.
Ugly couple.
That judge is a worse person than the husband. Taking ten years from that woman. He deserves a worse fate than the husband as well. For him to say he hated to do it, but they can't just get away with it because it doesn't work that way... sickening. I have been arrested multiple times for bs drug charges, and always on my ride to the jail I question the officer on how he can live with himself ruining peoples lives for nothing like this. Their usual response is something like "I don't make the laws". Using the excuse that "if you didn't do it someone else would" DOES NOT make you innocent. If something is wrong NO ONE DO IT. In my eyes, a human being that enforces injustice is the worst kind of trash in this world.
Wow I am astonished at this whole scenario. As I watched this I couldn't stop the tears from following. Its tough as a mother to hear a child speak of their father in such a cruel manner. This so called sperm donor of theirs needed some serious help and u have to want help in order to receive it. He was apparently fine with what he was doing to his innocent family especially those children. I commend her for enduring as long as she did. Everyone has an opinion about how she should of handled the situation not understanding that certain things happen for a reason. Do I think she deserved jail time...hell no. For all you so called goody two shoes who say she made herself a victim or she could have run or other psychoanalyzing bull****, remember at the end of the day you are just as human as her. Not everyone is afraid of the cops or a piece of paper saying stay away. If you don't have kids shut up, if you don't know what domestic violence feels like shut up and stop saying what you would of done because half of you would be to p*ssy to endure for the sake of your family (it takes a certain kind of strength) and half of you would not have had the nerve to take his life leaving him alive to kill you, your children or some other poor woman that falls for this ***hole. Do I feel like he got what he deserved, I feel in life you reap what you sow, what goes around comes around ten fold...a man was created physically stronger for a reason and it wasn't to beat the **** of your spouse or your children. I'll give him this, apparently as a child someone messed him up because such behaviors are learned at some point in time.
very sad : (
If this woman & her son are sentenced for even a day, it'll be the worst case of justice to mankind. Only if you have lived through THAT would you know what it feels like to be afraid every single day of your life. As a mother, I can totally understand where she's coming from. The son put himself in harms way to protect his mother & brothers and I seriously doubt if they're a danger to society. That narcissist pig Aaron) deserved what he got!!
That man was an insult and disgrace of humanity... I'm so glad that Mrs. Maldonado scraped that *beep* from out of this planet. Good for her.
Also why is she in jail?... I thought that crime of passion was submittable in the court of law? *beep*ing justice system... it's so inconsistent with its way.
I agree with you but remember, it's not a justice system. It's merely a legal system. Justice is rarely served within it.
Wendy is in jail because we are all too scared, too weak, too lazy or too inept to take care of ourselves. Because of this, we have invented a vast and impossibly complicated system of "rules" that we call "laws" and by our own cognitive dissonance, we have willed them into existence...another words, we believe that they are "real", that they exist the same way the oceans or a mountain exist. In order to facilitate these rules, we have given certain people the power and responsibility of maintaining and enforcing them. The problem is, the people enforcing them are not the people who are being punished by them, nor are they the people who are the victims that these rules are supposed to be protecting, and this is where things often get blurry.
My point here is that it's easy and without any consequence for all of us to discuss Wendy's situation and express our opinion and beliefs because whatever you may think about all of this and however it might make you feel, it's a fantasy...it's your fantasy in your head and only exists in your mind...much like the "law" does. No doubt that the majority of us share a similar fantasy, and although we may have some inconsistencies between us, they are much more similar than different. Of course the same applies to our "reality" as well and while there are degrees of difference between us, we all essentially go to school and grow up and get jobs and we have friends and bosses and people we love and people we hate and we don't have to be beaten and raped by our husband every single day of our miserable lives because nobody cares enough about anyone else to notice or to do anything about it..and for the few people like Wendy who are STRONG enough to stop a monster like her ex-husband, we have "rules" to stop them from protecting themselves and THE REST OF US from these animals. Makes you wonder why the rules exist and more importantly, who really benefits from the rules? Don't look a the "rules"on an individual basis, look at them as a whole. In other words, in a civilization where you as a person, a human being are not allowed to protect yourself, to protect your children or your loved ones and are punished if you do. Wouldn't it be wonderful for the small percentage of people who have the drive to conquer and exploit other people and have the intelligence and the resources to bend, break and avoid the "rules" that are supposed to prevent them from victimizing people but ultimately just end up preventing the rest of us from protecting ourselves.
Don't worry about any of this though after all, this is all just the rantings of crazy person and besides, your life is fine and those around you seem fine so even if any of this is valid it's of no concern to you. Starbucks is still serving coffee, you still have a job, a car and an internet connection and occasionally maybe you even get laid. No Worries..life is good*
He definitely died the way he lived. I wish the judge would have granted her parole eligibility though!
withFIRE what you said is total bullshit. What planet are you from? You must be a catholic priest.
whilst with fire is talking rubbish your comments about catholic priests are just as offensive - how rude and small minded to make such a nasty generalisation
What do you have against pederasts?
Why do u follow me around this site like a bad smell?
Why do you write about what you know nothing of like a mental deficient.
I have a feeling you have a short man napoleon complex - I am right
good doc
Like a mental deficient, you draw conclusions without knowledge. You are wrong!
P.S. It's Napoleon.
And you are?
Your worse nightmare
Is this a typo or another one of your solecisims?
It's called disambiguation at it's best my friend
Hey, a new word, (solecisims) am writing it down. Means grammatical mistake or absurdity.
Interesting etymology too. It comes from the name of an ancient Greek colony whose citizens spoke a dialect which was all Greek to the Greeks. Compare gringo which comes from the Spanish word for Greek to describe Americans trying to speak Spanish.
Praise the lord for google hey ?
Sorry no I do agree on your point below actually, no sarcasm etc intended
I doubt that.
I got edited, but you should know what I mean
Dont defend because your offended, R U a catholic priest?
WRONG WRONG WRONG... no matter how much a person is abused, no matter how much suffering they must endure or how long that suffering must be endured, no one has the right to deny another person of their right to live. Even the most horrible, cruel and sadistic individuals are human beings, and as a human being, their inalienable right to "live" is above any and all rights that another human being may be entitled to including the right to love and be loved, to have a "sense of self" that includes dignity, honor, purpose, respect, or even the right to enjoy physical health and well-being. No matter what the circumstances may be, even if a person is being forced to live in a perpetual state of physical pain, mental anguish and emotional suffering simply to satisfy the selfish impulses or wanton desires of another, both the victim and we as a society must always embrace the ideals of peace, pacifism and non-violence because "violence" is violence and it's always wrong...and besides, even the most disgusting human beings must have a beautiful light somewhere inside of them, and it's worth it to give them the opportunity to let it shine no matter how many already beautiful human beings must be destroyed to give them that opportunity...
Get off the soap box. There is such a thing as self-defense, even if it ends up in killing.
Agree Robert
the ideas of "human rights" are just ideas made up by humans. We don't actaully have them, they only become "real" when all other humans agree that we have them and THEN it becomes apart of our reality. And guess what: not even three quaters of the world agrees that human have 'inalienable rights'. Better luck a thousand years from now.
@withFIRE,
Warff! Shut up you the DreamBoat captain.
The guy died exactly as he lived: A beast.
He fully deserved it.
Only one regret, is that his wife didn't plan to do it right after he beated either his son or her.
Baring the wounds, they'd be found not not guilty by reason of cleaning wastes.
Quite christian endoctrined in Oregon, meant "Remote" Oregon.
Pierre.
So easy to say when you're not the victim. >_> Sorry an eye for an eye is still part of my mantra when it comes to criminals, especially those of the primitive kind (pedophiles, sex offenders, and abusers/beaters). That man didn't deserve that life if he were to use it to abuse and torture the life of others.
We have a God given inalienable right, nay, responsibility, to protect ourselves and our loved ones from evil. Period. Your post is wrong because it's based on an unchallenged false assumption, "no one has the right to deny another person of their right to live." When a person behaves in an evil manner they forfeit their rights. Period.
This is absolutely sad.. I know she had no choice but to do what she did that night.. its just too bad that her son as well had to be convicted. There was no justice here :(
this f***** guy was a disgrace to people with dreadlocks, everywhere.
I have been a victim of abuse.. both as a child and adult... I literally ran away but that is not always an option for an abused woman with children. There are no really good options when you find yourself in this situation.
after only a few minutes of watching this i honestly thought, ok, theres got to be some law somehere, or some judge and jury somewhere,which have the common sense to not put these two behind bars, they are not murderers, they did an action what a life time of abuse led them to do and an action which set them and the rest of the boys free or the first time in all of their lives, it was something that had to be done, if they had told the police and he had actually been sent to jail, it wouldnt have been for long, and then he would have been released and they would be trapped in horror once again. right until the last minute i honestly thought that the appointed 10 and 6 years werent going to be finalised. its he digusting, the worlds legal system is truely f--ked up excuse my french, but there is too much horrific domestic violence in the world, and due to our unmalleable laws, the women and children are in a prison in their own home with quite literally no options for freedom.
AMAZING and strong sons and mother after all that. They seemed smart, artist of a mom and street smart kids.
The father was a classic case of an abuser and a threaten-er... meaning he probably would not have killed any of them, only saying so. After time you begin to believe the threats and become overcome with paranoia and fear... so taking the matter into your own hands.
Violence and abuse propagates through generations... just look at the BS on Wall Street and greed.
Humans have amazing capacity for love and hate. Spread love... especially to those that were abused... and maybe... MAYBE the world can change and we can ENJOY all this technology and wonder.
The facts of the case stand out in stark contrast to the neighbors "actual" interest. Meaning, while they knew he was kicking the sh*t out of her NONE of them did a damn thing.
He deserved exactly what he got and she deserved probation. If it'd been my sister I'd have killed him myself.
Choke on that all you turn the other cheek pus*ies.
I laughed and laughed at the 911 operator "Where's your hammer now sweetie?" Too funny.
I wish she would have left from the beginning when she found out that her husband was crazy. We always stay around because we love the person or we think we can change them or we stay because thats the kids dad. We as women do need to feel like we are Worthy of being with someone that treats us respectfully and truly cares and loves us, we should have higher self confidence also. We tend to choose what we are use to seeing from our environment. Her mother was abused also. So what happens repeat the same thing. Well it doesn't have to be that way. Take a stand and tell yourself I deserve to have a healthy happy normal relationship. That man was a piece of s***. He had what was coming to him. I hate that she and her son had to go to jail but thats how the law is. They don't protect people if she would have gotten a restraining order against him it would not have helped. If she had of left him at that point and time of their relationship after 19 years of marriage and four children she would have needed to leave the state or country and change her and the kids name because he was the worst kind of abuser really psychotic he needed to be off the streets away from society he was talking about killing other people sick bastard. She should have left when she first found out he was psycho before they had more kids. But its too late. So now what happens to the family. Yeah the psycho is gone thats a relief but the mother and brother are gone and what are the 3 remaining children gonna do now. I hope they make it and grow up to be great men, I hope that they don't grow up and when they have relationships they will become abusers because that is what they were use to seeing their dad doing to their mom the majority of their life.
I can say from experience of abuse that its not worth the life of yourself your children and your freedom. Because the longer you stay the worse it gets 10 years was too long for me and when you come to that point where you get so fed up that you could just kill the bastard get out because you can be in jail without your kids just like this woman. Leave when you first see signs that the person is not right.
A lot of murder apologism going on right there.
There's two sides to every story. Most studies on domestic-violence find that there's no innocent victims and the violence tends to be mutual and perpetuated by both sides.
Yet, neither sides like taking fault. Murdering someone, and then saying "I was the victim" -> Isn't that what the nazis did to the jews? Isn't that the excuse every mass murdering regime in history ever gave? They always represent themselves as a victim of some group of which they do genocide.
Murder is NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER justified or apologized under any circumstance.
You again Alek? Oh No must I educate you once again....Where did you get your information "there is no innocent victims in domestic violence" are you freaking kidding me right now....That is absurd and you know it..
Say that a child gets murdered in a domestic violence dispute is that not an INNOCENT VICTIM what if a spouse along with the children are murdered in a murder suicide are they not INNOCENT VICTIMS...
So do you mean to tell me they were just asking for it right that they instigated someone into beating threatening then eventually murdering them?
I'm not justifying murder but in alot of domestic disputes the signs are there from the beginning if someone is an abuser you just have to make a decision and stand up and take yourself out of that situation from the first signs and move on before you end up just like this in prison or dead.
You're right. I left out the qualifier "almost never". In cases of spouses, be they male-female, male-male, female-female... If it goes on for years and years, it's a sign that both sides are prolonging the problem and active participants in it. By the way, the type of relationship with most domestic violence is lesbian relationships.
I agree with you there. Fully agree.
In fact, my issue is where people stay in screwed up relationships, and then act the victim. In the 21st century in a western country, there is no excuse to stay in a bad relationship. We don't live in tiny isolated villages in the middle of nowhere. People who stay in such relationships for years, I just can't see them as victims.
See that was quite enlightening on Both of Our sides Lol..I even believe that when you mentioned domestic violence in Lesbian relationships. I think I will agree with that myself..Lived next door to a lesbian young woman for 3 years she had two children multiple partners constant domestic violence I mean alot...She winded up incarcerated no longer lives next door to me sad situation especially for her children.
i have never been so horrified, it is disgusting that she n her son were put away, this woman is not a criminal she is a hero! how can anyone question the truth when they look in the eyes of her n her children, the police n judge should be on there f--king knees aplauding this woman commending her immense stregnth of charecter and the love she so clearly has for her family. anyone who can say they could enjure what she did is a cretin and the only people who should be on trial here are the police and arrons shit head of a brother. my thoughts and prayers go out to these incredible people i can only hope that a time comes when they can live a peaceful and happy life together and that arron is burning in hell!!! wendy and randy are two of the most inspirational people out there x
Did you just refer to a murderer as a hero? You do realize there's two sides to every story right?
Just about every study of things like this shows there are (almost never) pure "victims". It's a bunch of screwed people doing screwed up things to one another.
We have court systems for a reason, and vigilante justice is an oxymoron, because one can not be an objective determinor of one's victimhood or innocence status.
The nazis saw themselves as abused and victims of jews. They believed they were "heros" by exterminating and killing jews. Learn about nazi docummentaries and propaganda. In them, jews were representated as "evil" and "demonic" and "abusers of the german people" . If you only ever saw that part of the story, you'd get a wrong picture.
At last someone wit common sense
What a terrible lawyer they had. Who the hell would let them plead to long jailterms, especially in their situation. Totally unfair and injust.
I could see how naive the wife was, for if she was cunning she would have waited until he beat her again, and then she could have slain him. It was a pity her son become involved. She wasn't even given parole nor her son, for good behaviour while in prison. This is the time her young teenage sons will need her in their lives. What an idiot judge. He said it was the worst case of domestic violence he'd ever heard before, then he went on to give her 120 months in jail. Why didn't he say them in years? Rapists and paedophiles (at least in UK and Australia) receive less of a sentence than that poor mother and son.
I am sick and discusted,with are current judicial system,If a man was taken captive in another country and treated the same way and even killed his capturerer he be called a hero,this is the same damn thing,but she;s only a hero to her kids,he husband was a classic psychopath,and the courts know it,and i cant stand otheres who say she had a choice,look up how many wman get killed even after they get a restraining order,he used the love she had for her children to trap her,and you want her to trust the same authoity that did this to her,she did not willfully want it but was forsed and her children,by nature beating is wrong and being forced to witness it over and over,just ask the jews who suffered in world war II...I hope time in jail hasnt tainted them,and unite successfully when there un justified terms are up.
I feel bad for her and her kids,but the first time he hit her kids she should have bought a gun held it to his head and left to another state.
If it was that easy, there wouldn't be the amount of domestic violence there is in the world.. when you believe you, your kids or your entire family could be killed at any time, it's not as simple as just walking away...
I found this documentary captivating, while It never really had a climax it told the story very well and had me glued to the t.v. I feel so sad, but I also have a sense of peace knowing that these people would rather spend this time in jail then in the world with that monster.This was a truly gripping story and the documentary felt quite raw and laid out for the world to see. Good luck to this family and God bless.
Pyrrhus . . Well said!!!
Hey Pyrrhus, haven't heard from you in some time.
Killing in self-defense is not murder; killing in self-defense is a self-evident, unalienable, human right.
Were I her(and I am not), I would sue the state for having pressed charges. The women should never have had to endure trial in the first place.
As to all you heterosexual, macho, alpha-male, 2nd Amendment 'enthusiastics' out there who childishly attempt twisting the case into the absurdity that she was somehow at fault, all I can say is: stop drinking so much beer; turn off Rush Limbaugh; learn to think; and grow up!
Self-defense is when someone is running toward you with a knife and you shoot back.
Self-defense isn't when you spend years convincing yourself that you are a victim and then kill someone. There's two sides to every story.
The nazis saw themselves as victims of jews, and they went around killing jews. The nazis deemed it "self-defense" too.
I suppose when you are molested by your father every day for 14 years and finally, one day, when he comes into your bedroom to please himself you decide to shoot him in the head instead of letting him rape you, you are using your "victim mentality" and have committed an unjustified murder. Please... please study mental health issues and speak in terms of being the perpetrator because you clearly can only identify with those who have committed violence against others.
Yes, there are always multiple sides to every story but only an abject fool convinces themselves they all carry equal merit.
where the hell was her family when all this stuff happened to her?? u did the right thing!!!
where were you? we all have a duty to protect them children.At least the mother was to beaten up to see clearly.
The justice system seems to be wanting to protect the rights of a vicious beast over his battered family who consist of a woman and children who cannot protect themselves. Disgusting.
Yes, I agree the judge could have went a different route. But it was her attorney that whimped out and didn't fight for her properly. I feel sorry for her as I have expressed earlier. I just believe she could have made a better choice.
The judge was an i@#$%!
the system has failed.
My heart goes out to Wendy and her family. I'm glad she killed him, he deserved it and so much more. It was self-defence, pure and simple, she shouldn't be in jail.
And personally, if I was her son, I would've helped kill him too and I would gladly serve time in prison for my mum.
I wish all of them the very best of luck and God bless them!
I agree
@wq
"You expect people to do what is smart and expected . . . "
I regard this as a tacit admission that our heroine did not do this.
Quite frankly, I cannot understand what you are driving at.
I must admit though,Robert Allen comments were true and to the point.Everyone else just misunderstood him because he was getting right to the point with no sugar coating.
@wq & Robert Allen
Wow, how did a domestic abuse situation in the doc. turn into a battle of egos?
@wq
By the way, you also seem ignorant of Shakespeare.
The quote, however you want to paraphrase it is, "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." And also if you are going to employ it, at least give protest its Elizabethan meaning,i.e., to avow (from the Latin pro + testare (to bear witness))and not its current one. Compare pretend (from the Latin pre + tendere (to hold forth)), hence to assert, not the later English meaning of asserting falsely--the pretender had a legitimate claim to the throne.
@wq and @Gareth
So now you see yourself as the light of reason--what unmitigated and empty-headed arrogance!
@wq
Maybe it's time you learned to read. Show me one comment on my various posts in which I have defended a wife beater, especially this one--and leave Shakespeare out of it!
For your information, I am a confirmed bachelor and happily so, considering the quality of today's women.
Also based on history of which you seem woefully ignorant, it's unlikely that the next generation will do any better than the previous ones, at least socially and artistically.
@Gareth
LOL I like your comment! If she had tossed him into a vat of acid I'd still have given her a pat on the back. it saves us tax payer the money that would have been spent on incarcerating him, feeding him 3 square meals a day, and medical care.
Talking with Robert Allen is such a big ol waste of time because his only response is "NO NO NOOO", screaming like a whiny toddler instead of seeing the light of reason.
@Robert Allen
I noticed half this page is filled with YOUR comments. Why expend so much energy defending a wife-beater? Methinks you doth protest too much! What's your reason? Could you be a wife-beater yourself? Maybe it's time to retire and let the next generation of young people change this country for the better.
The illogical behavior is not confined to women. Men often act illogically too. A long time ago, I was in the surgery room with a few doctors who were treating a man with gangrene. I asked the lead surgeon how the patient managed to reach this point in his illness and the surgeon basically told me flat out that he's been warning the man away from his unhealthy behavior for YEARS (the patient is diabetic) but the patient absolutely refused to change his behavior even though it is completely against common sense. I asked the lead surgeon how it was possible that a man would risk his own health and limbs just so he can continue to smoke and drink. The surgeon told me it happens all the time with patients.
@wq
I wish you would learn to read. Nowhere did I ever indicate an overwhelming faith in the justice system--as a matter of fact, just the opposite. You're right, judges make egregious decisions, such as the judge in this case.
You berate me for "putting this story in a vacuum and disregarding everything else." Well, I'm only taking my cue from the documentary and judging the case, not the situation in general, on what's been presented.
The protagonist is not a heroine; she's a fool who's been unjustly incarcerated for the next ten years.
Do yourself a favor and read up on the history of the modern judicial system before positing an inanity such as juries were created because judges are flawed.
I also suggest that you refrain from running off at the keyboard with knowledge you don't have and opinions which only belie your ignorance.
Rather than lying half-awake in the middle of the night trying to come up with coherent arguments, I suggest that you make the same attempt when you're awake.
Having a sense of justice does not equate to being "emotional". You problem is that you lack the flexibility to see shades of gray. Your response is very simplistic, knee-jerk, like that of a primitive-brained insect that only responds to external stimuli with little understanding of it (ex: head towards the light even if it means getting burned to death).
Your opinion is frankly wrong. But it's an opinion so you're allowed to have it. Luckily, you're not in a position of power. So your opinion is irrelevant.
Your overwhelming faith in the justice system is misplaced, seeing as countless judges make ridiculous decisions in the name of law, even when every sensible human being knows it's wrong (did you never read about the court case where a judge ordered a girl to live with her sexually abusive dad? or all the cases where the judge basically let the rapist walk free until protests made her change her tune?)
Judges are not infallible and frankly lots of them are quite stupid (Scalia who insisted that discrimination against women is NOT illegal even though it's 2011). It is PRECISELY because the justice system and judges are flawed that we even HAVE juries in the first place.
If you lack the ability to look at all the facts and can only make simple 1 begets 2 begets 3 thinking, then I feel sorry for you.
This case with this woman is NOT unique. It's the same story with countless battered spouses so you can't even put this story in a vacuum and disregard everything else. It's pathetic that this case will be used to justify the same treatment of other battered spouses who kill their abuser.
Your argument is pretty feeble by the way. I'm guessing you were never in debate club. Even off the top of my head, in the middle of the night, half asleep in bed, I could make more coherent arguments.
@WQ
No, I do not believe those absurdities that you posit in the last sentence of your first paragraph--and I also don't believe that our heroine was anything more than a victim of her own stupidity and the inefficacy of her attorney and the judge.
Also, I form my opinions after analysis (not emotion) and change them likewise when the occasion arises.
You need to read more carefully. Your "countless research" is irrelevant, as the documentary and, concomittantly my comments,pertain only to this unusual case and not battered spouses in general.
@Robert Allen
Your comments read like that of those people who resist changing their mind even in the presence of overwhelming evidence that disproves your position. I personally believe it's actually a neurological condition when a person cannot have the intelligence to form new opinions in spite of countless research providing new information. To this day, there are people who believe HIV doesn't cause AIDs, the earth is flat, and vaccines cause autism.
If you're one of those people, I won't even bother with further responses because it'll be a waste of my time.
Please, have some critical thinking skills!
@WQ
Don't skirt the issue. Don't apologize. Don't feminize.
The woman simply allowed her husband to gain the upper hand, not that she should be punished for her mental incompetence.
The fact that there are so many domestic abuse apologists on this site should tell us why in this day and age, domestic abuse is still such a serious problem.
We like to point at the middle east and criticize them for stoning women but I say before we pat ourselves on the back for being such a modern, western culture, we need to realize plenty of women get beat behind closed doors.
Look at crime statistics, I believe you can even find it on FBI website. Women are MOST likely to be injured and killed by men they know, NOT by strangers. The whole stranger-danger thing isn't nearly as prevalent as injury inflicted on women by husbands, boyfriends, fathers, brothers, because THEY have the most opportunity to harm a woman while a stranger doesn't.
the # of women who are dragged away by a stranger and raped is dwarfed by the # of women sexually assaulted by someone they know.
To everyone who says "hey, why doesn't she just leave"? You have to understand the psychology of domestic abuse victims. Often times, they still love the abuser and want to believe he will change. And there is also the element of Stockholm syndrome. The girl who was kidnapped as a child and raped for years said that she actually felt sad when the rapist-kidnapper committed suicide.
What about the human element of the justice system? Doesn't the judge, prosecutor, and the jury understand this woman's extenuating circumstances? If justice is to be applied evenly to all crimes regardless of the situation under which that crime occurred, why do we even have humans in the justice system? Why not just replace everything with computers? type in the person's crime and have the computer spit out the sentencing.
isn't there such a thing as jury nullification? I'm fairly certain the jury is NOT legally obligated to do what the court wants them to do (in the past, this has been applied incorrectly to set free racist whites that killed blacks but in today's society, we can actually use this "loophole" to do some good can't we?)
In war, don't soldiers also kill bad guys?
I say give her a Purple Heart, or whatever they give victims of violence in war, perhaps the Medal of Honor, or whatever they give soldiers for killing innocent Iraqis. Pack that loser's remains out with the garbage, where they belong.
The judge was completely wrong...his hands were not tied. The culprit is OUR culture and she had NO other choice. I was a verbal abuser and this man was a million times.... oh screw it! This shit will never stop if WE keep living like this as a culture....fragmented and no intergenerational learning, sharing and taking care of each other. Say what you will but hte neighbors were cowards and yet they too wre blonded by soem puritan ethic thatsays to mind your own business...tis family. TOtal BS. We are insane together....WE are ALL responsible.
@Jenny
I am sorry you had to go through an abusive situation.My intention was not to discredit the family but to look at everything as a whole.Beleive it or not there are many cases that don't warrent such a drastic ending.(severe jail sentance,absolutly)
Hopefully women who find themselves getting hit for the first time find the strength to get the hell out before a humanlife is gone.(justified or not)The only reason I beleive she went to jail is because it wasn't in the heat of the moment.She had plenty of time and knew plenty of resources she could have chosen.The only true unjustice is her not being there for her kids for next 10 yrs.
The only thing I was trying to get across is just because someone claims abuse as an alibi for murder shouldn't automatically mean it's true.Alot of thought and evidence should be examined,because there are ones out there that lie and get away with false acusations.
Hi ProudinUS,
It's good you are looking at this from all angles. I have to disagree though, that the family looked genuinely happy in those videos. There is one particular scene where Wendy's husband is filming her in the campervan, demanding her attention. She is not smiling genuinely, she is smiling out of obedience. You can see it in her eyes when she looks away.
I found the scenes of the animals he had hunted particularly disturbing. The way he treated them afterwards showed his lack of concience. A typical charateristic of a psycopath.
To answer your question "would you ever tolerate abuse in the household?" I once did, and I hope that if I ever find myself in the hands of an abuser again, I will be much wiser to the signs and able to read them before it's too late.
last comment ,watched and observed everyones characters closly just now
-I find it pretty dam shocking to watch these eyewitnesses go into such detail of what they saw.(Some of the eye witnesses looked like they could have handled this man if they wanted to)It's amazing when someone gets a chance to be on a feature doc. and tells the world what kind of hidious stuff theyv'e witnessed,not once but numerous times. I don't think at the time when they were being interviewed that they will for ever be deemed as cowards.(Before anyone says to me
"OH and I suppose you would have jumped in)I most certainly assure you that I am more then capeable of handling a man bashing his old lady in my presense(Wouldn't happen) .Not bragging just stating a solid fact.
Well I was also noticing how happy they look in the old family videos.
- notice that the kids are being instructed by lawyer to a fine t.
-noticed how fast the son was talking with very well rehearsed sinario swhen he was being interveiwed.(Common in a lot of con artist.Get quick to the point about what they want you to believe and play you with an emmotion of their choosing that will best serve in their hidden agenda)I'm not saying he did this but that is how fast tonged cons will aproach a pitch.
I am not trying to discredit this poor family.I'm just observing different things then what she is doing or saying.
I can't get fixated on a single subject and get to sympathic right off the back because then I will actually miss the true purpose and motive of the "whole" story presented.Most of you say,good little killer in probably the first 3 min of it.
I asked three people in the comments the exact same question.
And not one of them replied.I'm asuming they found it not very easy or just didn't care.
Well anyway all three of them thought it was justified to kill this man in his sleep without even looking at it in a
way that might be more harmful to society if in fact she did got off scott free.
- Some man will call Joe who's never hurt a soul in his life
comes home a littlegrumpy and finds his wife has taken money out for groceries.Well Joe doesn't hear her and grabs his wifes arm, calms down, lets go and turns around.She didn't appriciate this very well and wacks his head with a hammer and slams face first into the floor and never wakes again.
.She claims a life long abuse thing and people take her word because when it comes down to it no one can discredit her....That sounds pretty lame but that's all it takes to get away with murder.(it does happen)
It's never a good idea to condone an action without examining the long term effects this might have on society as a whole. You might agree that the scum needed to be dead anyway.But then again some of you deemed her a hero and calling him total scum. I would like some one to show me where on this video he acted out to be a raven maniac. You people could have been conned because you were so focused with her story that you never even notice that not even once did he seem like a women beater.(Although he did have some pretty crazy hair with protruding eyes)....Ah..now I'm being hypocritical
Well it was a very distubing and heart felt doc.I do wish the best for her and her family.
The power of munipulation is very hard to detect because the ones doing it are very well trained with human emotions and will act quickly to persuade..Oh well'I was just bringing up the fact that some of you sound like you were focussed on one thing and not paying attention to others.Most of you thought he was an abuser because in your mind that's what one looks like esspesially with her story ringing in your head.
@Chickenpants
I read the Bable some. I don't understand all of it but I reckon I understand a good deal of it umm hmm.
Sounds like all of you have pretty much agreed that this woman had every right to kill a sleeping man instead of a more logical solution .She was a person who did know of other options.Of course she did and her dissision was to kill out of pure hatered for a life long creep who robbed her of life.
@AJ
You sound like a rational type.Tell me there AJ would you ever tolerate abuse of any kind in your family?
@Jenny
You sound like a resourceful type.Tell me Jenny would you ever tolerate abuse in the household?
@Ron
You sound like a level headed guy who can desipher between good sympathtic logic and real world logic.Tell me Ron would you ever tolerate abuse in the home?
@AJ
Disrespectful to whom?
As long as I am crimeless, I have the right to be misogynistic, sexist and male chauvinistic. You feminists sicken me.
I love that on a documentary about domestic violence, so many men went out of their way to remind us all that women can be violent, too. Get over yourselves, you're being dismissive and sounding a whole lot like the annoying white Ivy league frat boys who complain about the woes of reverse racism. That one crazy ex of yours who scratched your face up and called the cops on you is a douche, yes, but that doesn't mean you should insert your anecdote into a conversation about a REAL domestic violence issue in this country. Women being abused by men is 1) more prevalent, 2) less defensible for the victim, and 3) more dangerous than the small minority of instances of woman on man abuse that keeps popping up in this thread. Check your privilege, your experiences ARE NOT THE SAME, and for you to imply that they they are only reveals a willful blind eye to the issues of misogyny and sexism in this country. It's disrespectful.
@ Robert - I thought so! Enough said.
Exactly, Ron. Let's not forget, there's only an hour or so of footage here to cover 19 years of abuse. I'm sure anyone that had lived in Wendy's shoes, would not judge so harshly.
@Jenny
She protected herself so well that she's now in the slammer when she really shouldn't be. Yes, I'm one of those silly bigots!
@ Robert, what are you - one of those silly bigots?
I think you'll find she protected herself rather well in the end.
well done jen
@Ron
Out of the frying pan and into the fire. What type of relief is that?
Thanks Jenny for the comment.People make judgementalcomments here without taking into account this young lady's ordeal. I too believe it could not have been as simple as walking away. In fact I know it. No one on this message board has the right to judge until they have walked in another person's shoes. Imagine finding it a relief to be charged with murder, because you now know you will not be abused again.Think about it
@Jenny
What are you, one of those silly feminists?
Well, she was not totally trapped and she certainly didn't protect herself!
@ vilewoman - perhaps you should have watched the whole documentary before condemning Wendy's actions so expeditiously. It's one thing being hit once, but quite another to suffer years of psychological and mental abuse like Wendy.
It was clear in the documentary that her husband had threatened Wendy numerous times that he would harm her family. She was trapped. It's obvious she was trying to protect everyone as best she new how.
Best wishes to Wendy, Randy and the rest of her family.
I pray my friend recieves this , you are a beautiful woman and you deserve to be treated like nothing less than a lady. Dont let anyone tell you differently. Shame on any man who would put his hands on such a lovely woman who adores her kids. pay no attention to the negative comments here.
If you are in a position where you have to kill to live COMMENTS ARE FOR THE WEAK AUDIENCE WHO ARE UNEDUCATED IN LIFE.PEOPLE WHO OVERSTAND ARE THE SURVIVORS PEOPLE THAT UNDERSTAND ......LOL.......CANT BE HELPED. SING YOUR OWN SONG
okay first thing, if all these people knew there was something serious going on and were concerned for her why didn't they do anything about it. And second thing, so the court system and judges thought she was too dangerous to stay in society and to be locked up, yet they let her go to take care of her kids before she was incarcerated, hmmm messed up system.
Lol @ tito
thats funny.. but really.. bad advice...
you started off good.. and veered a bit off course..
women raise men.. so you mothers better be nice to your children so they don't have all this repressed anger toward women and end up beatin the Cr@p out of em... and if some dood hit you.. stop poppin out his babies.. and break for it..
i think mothers raise men, and i think that women must learn how to be more tough, because you cannot say he is stronger than me, i am man and sure during my life much stronger than me men opressed me, and yet every time i would grab something and smashed his face, so he knows that pure muscles mean nothing, so my message to any women -first time when he hits you, take something behind his back and punch him with all your force, yes probably you will end up beaten, but it will be LAST time, i guaranty
Î can't watch this, I got to the son in prison being inteviewed and had had enough.
Domestic Violence is a phrase and nothing more. Period.
As a woman, I can honestly say I have only had one man hit me, there were two following hits, me hitting him and him hitting the floor. I demanded he leave my house and never allowed him near me again. I do not tolerate weak men feeling big by trying to over power a woman. At all.
From what I have watched of this docu, this stupid female (not giving her the title of a woman, imho she hasn't earned it) put up with a man brutalizing her and allowed her children to see it.
She stay with him out of fear of loosing her kids? Any good parent would gladly get their kids away from such a violent person.
I honestly and truly feel she should be in jail for life.
Reason 1: Killing someone in their sleep isn't self defense, it's doing exactly what her husband did for years, taken advantage of a weaker person.
Reason 2: She allowed her kids to witness this over many years. That in itself is child abuse. With her eldest son being involved with the murder. She robbed those kids of any normal life. (Yes, the husband was a horrible man. BUT she was resposible for getting herself and her children away from that) A kids normal evening should not be seeing mom's head go through a wall.
Reason 3: Using the media and fellow weak minded fools for sympathy.
Reason 4: She saw her mom go through the same thing and should have understood what would, could and will happen to her if she stayed.
Outrageous. I have read many excuses as to why abused people don't get away from a violent person and pretty much that is all they are, excuses.
I can agree with some of the points you made. Some I truly disagree with. I don't think she should be in jail for the rest of her life her husband was so psychotic that he should have been in jail long before this incident. Yes she should not have allowed herself to stay along with her children for so long. That was not helping her or them, but the point you mentioned she saw her mother go thru the same things growing up and that is a facto rof choosing relationships that are not healthy from the environment you grow up seeing. But that is a choice that you can make and say i know this is not normal so I will choose to be in a healthy relationship.
Like you I had a experiences with abuse it started with pushing me up against the wall me fighting back then getting over powered and being dragged across the floor. And this happened 5 years later into the relationship so its not like it started physically abusive. It happened just as in this case after a child we had our second child. Now I could not allow that to go on especially having children because as a mother you don't want your kids growing up like that. After the second time because if they do it once they will do it again which caused me to get 9 stitches..He never did it again. I have my Carry permit yeah I'm pretty much Legal. And I'm happy to report we are NO Longer together. No More Excuses.
actually , PEOPLE LIKE YOU ALLOWED HER CHILDREN TO SEE SUCH. If she wasnt beaten into submission , THE KIDS WOULD BE DEAD . she is more than a woman ,she took the beatings to save her children. YOUR MUM. DAUGHTER OR YOURSELF MAY ONE DAY BE IN THAT POSITION.....untill that day shut your mouth and knw yourself. IF YOU HAVE TO KILL SOMEONE TO LIVE ITS NOT THE WOMAN WHO FAILED.
Really ...
a remark like that, i bet your own name is Cletus
so cletus beats up jane.... unemployed rednecks need something to do so they beat on each other.. lol :)
@LisaP; You are right. I don't see into the homes of others. I wasn't saying that. I was saying that the general attitude toward being a subservient housewife is no what Sarah indicated. At least not from what I have seen and expirrienced. I don't want to get into a deep debate here over the status quo of the modern woman in the US. People will always percieve that they are being held back and forced into roles in life. The victim mentality has been driven into the minds of most Americans. Fact is women often choose their roles in the family and society. This is outside of the documentary topic, I am not saying they choose to be abused. I am saying often they choose to stay home with the kids etc. That is a choice. They could choose to be career oriented and be the bread winner just as easilly. The percentage of Women with college educations exceeds that of men in America today. Women make this choice, I have seen it time and again with my own eyes. They have an education they have a good career. Then they suddenly decide to have a child. They go out on maternity leave and refuse to come back to work after. Preferring to stay home. Life is choices and those choices decide where we are in life. We can't have everything and we don't deserve everything. We are programed to believe that unless life is like a TV show we are somehow being short changed. Some could argue that women have it better than men in that, if they so choose, they can opt to stay home and not work. Being supported by your spouse is not a punnishment it is a privledge.
im a grown ass man and this made me cry
Forgot to add.
NOT every man is bad :P of course not. There are real sweeties :)These ones shouldnt feel addressed :P
But no one can deny the fact that it happens too often.
And even more often alcohol can be the trigger.
Jezus....
You can all say what you want!!
I agree with Sarah.
You guys can try to act like we live in an "equal" society between men and women. But we don't.
And if what sarah says makes you angry... Then so be it.
This case in the movie isnt a single case.
It happens everywhere, all the time.
-every two seconds a women "falls" from the stairs or hits herself against the door-
this was the slogan of an awareness campaign concerning domestic violence by the gouverment to try and stimulate woman to step forward and tell their story, not to be afraid to do so anymore.
This is the big problem, because the fear they dont and thats why it seems like it isnt there for the rest of us.
I myself have been in a similar situation....
during my childhood years i heared about these situations.
I always thought of those woman as weak and naive.
Thinking this would never happen to me. As i am clever and i know what i want. But as Sarah says... its an invisible web you get tangled in.
Luckily i was strong enough to leave him in time (he even hit me when i was pregnant, in public, can you imagine?? That for me was the last drop) But i needed a lot of support to find the strenght to face him and tell him i would leave him.
For all of those who say it's bullshit... you dont know what you are talking about
That comment was meant for Sarah99999
Ah ok.
Go ahead and kill evey man on Earth!
I am a male and it's getting late so I have to go because my wife didn't get her daily beating yet.And as for the kids I make them sleep in the car because I don't think their worthy of MY air! I am just another unworthy man who pee's in the sink and shoots humming birds out the bathroom window while taking a sh@t. Bye
Ah, I see I got both messages simultaneously. I have just looked at the actual board and see that it was Robert that was giving you a hard time about your grammar. That was fair. Very fair.
Sarah if you spend alot of your life having people not take you seriously, you might want to look at your behaviour on this board as a microcosm for why..
Some of your points have had merit, but I find you personally so unpleasant that any sense you do make seems to get lost along the way.
This doc and the comments are interesting to me, but I am starting to dread my you've got mail chime because instead of a reasoned and mature response to past issues raised, I very well might get one of your mean spirited tantrums.
And before you put ProudintheUS down for her "grammar" you might want to google the difference between spelling and grammar, one refers to the correct use of letters to form a word, the other refers to syntax. If you insist on putting others down, try to atleast do it properly?
When someone is nice to you, maybe you should try being nice back? Worked in grade school, works in life. I am not sure how the way you are is working for you, but I can imagine it isn't always fun.
@Sarah99999
Sorry we can't say the same about your grammar.
NONE of my responses were made "in the heat of the moment". They were ALL well thought out.
@Reason's Voice
You may travel extensively but this does not mean you see into the homes of every person. DV usually goes unheard of, unspoken of. The resources provided to the safe houses etc that you mentioned is nothing compared to the numbers of domestic violence cases out there. I spent years trying to get women into safe houses being constantly knocked back because every agency/shelter in my city is full.... this is a huge issue to do with government and such as well, which I wont rant about here.
I may also add that the glass ceiling has not been smashed at all. Women still do the majority of domestic chores in the home and are still raised to look for a man and get settled. These are the base on which some men assume power and women assume submissiveness and domestic violence may occur. It is what it is, we live in a man centered world and women will always be second.
I re state that men can have absoloutley no idea what it feels like to be a woman. Ever.
I feel live this is getting into a man v's woman thing... May I just add that I am not discrediting the same acts done towards men, I am just being specific to women in this discussion.
@ProudinUS; That is about what I expected. I couldn't imagine that the north west would be any different than the rest of the nation. I just didn't want to risk speaking to what I do not know, and risk invalidating my whole statement.
Sadly some people in general, male or female, are manipulators. Men may well use brute force more frequently as they are built for it. Women manipulators more often employ guile and outside parties to manipulate. Such as making a false claim etc. That is what I was a victim of and luckily got far away from. For a short time in my state a "soft rape law" was enacted. The law stated that a woman had 72 hours after a sexual act to "decide if it was consentual". Don't misinterpret that as a statute of limitations on a real rape case. It made it possible for a woman to consent at the time and later retract consent and call it rape. The law lasted less than one year before repeal as the number of claims made by jilted one night stands who never got that "call" the guy promised, attempted to have the guy prosecuted. Just like there will always be the man like in this case who will manipulate and controll a woman with whatever is at his disposal, so too can a woman.
It is a complex issue of humanity that if I had an answer too I would share but sadly I do not.
@Sarah99999
Your past two comments were very well thought out.I believe it is coming from the heart instead of "in the heat of the moment" responces that were made before and I respect your opinion.
@Reason voice
I live in the American North West(Idaho to be exact)and there is no tolerance for domestic abuse in any form.Especialy in south eastern Idaho.There are alot of false reports though and that makes the true abusers have to go through an embarasing line of questioning to validate their horror. They have to be a bloody mess,black-eye...broken arm...belt -marks...ect...(The way it used to be). But know all calls are taken extremely serious.Whether there false or true.
Alright:
When you’re in a horrble situation, you do your best to escape from it, not endure it to the self-defeating breaking point - Robert
and Sarah says::
Abused women are often isolated, threatened, and brainwashed to think that THEY are in the wrong, and further told if they would just “shape up” the abuse stop. This is a deadly mixture (emotional, social, & economic) which paralyzes from even trying to get help.
So, Robert, Sarah raises an interesting point here. Isolation and victim blame is often extremely creeping and subtle, many abusers excel at using these tools with impectible timing and consistency. What happens when they prove sucessful? If a woman is manipulated into believing that she might share in the blame for the problems, and her circle of friends and family is limited, meaning that she is not exposed to differing viewpoints, does it not make it harder to acknowledge that she is even in horrible situation let alone to work with your required single minded focus to escape from it? Sarah made a previous point, although overstated, that abuse is about control. To a large extent this is almost always the case, and abusers utilize these techniques of control to ensure that they are able to continue their behaviour unchallanged indefinetly. For you, this issue mgiht always be black and white. If you are ever being abused, then, you should have little problem removing yourself from this toxic environment. Unfortunately, for many women, it is not as straightforward.
Abused women are often isolated, threatened, and brainwashed to think that THEY are in the wrong, and further told if they would just "shape up" the abuse stop. This is a deadly mixture (emotional, social, & economic) which paralyzes from even trying to get help.
Abusers are NATURAL predators and set up this tri-fecta of abuse instinctively. The women for the most part don't even realize what they're dealing with, and want to, and are convinced to, believe it is their own fault. They are trapped in an invisible web, with no way out. No it is almost impossible to leave that web.
@LisaP; I have traveled in most of the continental US (except the pacific north west) and have not come across this society of female subserviance you allude to. Quite the contrary I see societal trending of men becoming play dough in hopes of gaining the affections of a woman. I see little girls raised to the chant on "Girl Power". I see young women idolizing and emulating female role models who don't take direction from anyone let alone some faceless male dominator. True there are subsets to fit any discription here in the states and perhapse some of the heavilly religious cultures still embrace the idea of male dominated society, Those are the minority however. The glass ceiling was shattered and eaten for breakfast decades ago at this point. I have worked around people involved in domestic abuse protection agencies. They have safe houses, New cell phones, job placement, Cars, and any number of other necessities available to assist a woman attempting to escape this type of environment. Many will not due to fear or due to loss of self esteem resultant from the long term abuse. That is regrettable and sad but it is not due to a lack of opportunity.
@ Robert Allen
It sickens you that I misunderstood the documentary? I am just one person, chill out dude.
As shown by this thread and the many discussions raised, there are plenty of theories as to what the film is (really) about. I was merely stating mine... There are so many information gaps (as I stated originally) that no one but those involved will ever know what really happened.
I felt the personal attack's were unnecessary... but you go ahead and do whatever makes you feel good.
sad that the child (randy) has to suffer the consequences for his mom's choices ( i do sympathize with her, but feel more for what she allowed to happen to her children )
A lot of times, people say that they didn't know till it was too late, but a lot of research is pointing in the direction that we subconsciously and intuitively know a lot about other individuals very quickly through body language and other non-verbal cues.
It is hard to imagine she did not know about or get hints at the fact that he would become abusive to such extremes until after she gave birth to his children...
too bad her and her son have to do years in prison for getting out of the situation, but I just can't help but wonder her role in picking him as a husband, staying with him, having his kids and what not.
again, I fully sympathize, but just saying..
great comments from everyone else.. SeeUat Videos comments are always worth the read
@LisaP
Your pathetic rationalization of Wendy' failure to act is tantamount to your amateur attempt at sociology. When you're in a horrble situation, you do your best to escape from it, not endure it to the self-defeating breaking point. While this is not always possible, it was in Wendy's case, no matter her background, no matter the environment.
I have no problem being judgmental and self-righteous even though it may sicken you.
But what sickens me is your total misunderstanding of the documentary. Wendy is not an allegory, but rather one of the defendants in an unusual case (from a legal point of view). The film is about her, not about domestic violence against women in general.
It's unfortunate that she has to pay for her stupidity and lack of adequate representation.
Documentary not an allegory.
On the Film: This tipped my quota for films that mess with my head and make me unable to focus on the wider world. There are a lot of information gaps which make it hard to be un-biased and left me feeling as though i had not seen the whole story. I do agree with many here and wish the family all the best for the future. I hope they are able to be stronger, positive members of society and powerful activists for change. The kids all seem like sensitive intelligent people and I hope they are able to heal and become well adjusted men.
On the Forum Discussion: Some of you people make me sick!! The ignorance of some people here is mind boggling. You believe that you are educated and know the world back and front, inside out and everyone has to be as awesome as you or they are just plain stupid. The self righteousness in this thread makes me sick. Most abusers think the exact same way as you. That it is their way or criticism and punishment. I hate to get all feminist, but the men saying they don't get why she couldn't of just left can not possibly have the ability to understand what it feels like to be a woman under the thumb of a violent and dominant man. Women are conditioned to comply with what a man says. In some society's (incl.suburban and country regions) women have zero say because it is how they have been raised for generations.
As for the guys who feel left out because their domestic violence is not being heard... Please understand the film is about domestic violence toward women. You are not being purposefully ignored. Please feel free to post links to documentaries which discuss abuse by women toward men, as I agree it is a little known fact that men are abused by women and there is nowhere near enough information and awareness about it.
@Sarah99999
Very well said and point taken.
I'm not male bashing . . . . I feel the same abhorence toward women that abuse men, or other women. I don't think any abuse should be tolerated. Most abuse is not as severe, and so is "swept under the rug". When it's get to the level shown in this documentary . . . well . . I have no words for my disgust at the perpetrator and the judge.
@Sarah; I assume by your comments that you were or are close to a victim. Your outrage may well be justifiable so I will not condemn it. In time I hope that you will see that lashing out without focus, while typical, is not healthy nor productive for healing. If you are a victim and have not sought councelling I hope that you do. Your rage will leave you alone in your pain and that is just another win for the man who hurt you. As to your reactions effect on someone you are trying to protect I could never express it better than @Alexs' Mommy did. Good luck to you
@Sarah99999 You're comments are just man bashing.Plain and simple.Or maybe your just trying to start an argument for the sake of starting one.
1)not all men beat
women
2)everyone in the comments sympathize with the women in the video.
3)everyone has their own oppinion in this matter.(Regardless if they've been in a domestic abuse situation or not)
4)when some one offers a differet point of veiw one should sit back and soul search if the comment is valid instead of a heat of the moment rebutal.
I truly respect all views in the comment area and am learning so much from other peoples perspective.
Sarah, I only hope that you someday are not in a position to counsel anyone who is being abused. While I do not think for a second that my friends are this self righteous and judgemental, the fear that they could respond the way you do is what stops me from openning up to them. It's a pity, I am pretty alone in all this, my family lives 17 hours away by plane. It is always easiest to see an anwer when you dont even understand the question I guess.
As for the "normal" comment, no one is suggesting that abuse is normal, although sadly it is common...and abuse can become a familiy's normal quickly, you adjust to the reality that presents iteself and each person has to chose how they will deal with their own reality. You sound quite young, and hopefully you are never presented with the hard decisions that domestic violence brings. I had a friend who was abused by her boyfriend in highschool, and when she told me and only me I reacted the way you are now. She cut ties with me and suffered alone for 2 more years until she left him, and I still regret that my immaturity slammed the door on the support I could have offered her, and that she desperately could have used. 8 years later, when I came to her and her alone with my situation, she responded with a kindness and respect that I wasn unable and unwilling to show her back then, and she helped me to tell my family and to seek support.
A normal man that "does not feel ready for the resposability of parenthood" does not repeatedly punch his wife in the stomach trying to murder his unborn infant. Nice try!!!!
if it looks like a duck . . . and quacks like a duck . . .
It's a duck!!!!!!!
Reason voice -
It is the sad case that stereotypes and gneralities are the prevelant manner in which most law inforcement types, especially in this country (Oz) deal with any sort of domestic violence situation. When you are attempting to work within this framework to get support it can be extremely frusterating. Thank you for attempting to address it, most do not.
Sarah, yes I am sure that this is the case for some, our son was planned well in advance and came as no big shock. My husband has never been much for control, he doesnt care who my friends are, he supports me in my education and long ago he granted me full control and responsibility of our finances. While I got calmer and more serene as the pregnancy progressed he seemed to just go more and more in the opposite direction. Parenthood is forever, it is not like getting a dog or a cat, and it can bring on stress within some people that they themselves dont know to expect.
In our specific case, it also was a catalyst for a preexisting mental illness in my husband, one which I did not previously mention as I do not consider it to be an excuse for violence in its own right. There just isnt one.
I guess my example is importnat, if you care to see it that way, because if it doesnt work out for us, and I really do hope that it does, it is what many women hope for in abusive situations, and it is a reason that many do not leave. Violence usually doesnt happen all at once, it sneals up on you and gets you when you are vulnerable and more apt to minimize and deny. It did for me anyways. I had to open my eyes and admit I was in danger and my baby would be too if I didnt act, and I did. The girl who is proud to be american or some similar id: please, while your words are wellmeaning, understand that I have worked very hard with a number of professionals and my own family to insure that I have done right by my baby. When you live in a world of black and white, right and wrong, without shades of grey, then it is easy to automatically see the answer to a issue. I dont live there though. I have to make decisions about my son's future, about whether he will know his father, imperfect as he is, whether he wil grow up comfortably, with the oppourtunities that a 2 income family will provide him, and so on. I know fullwell that the decisions I make now will effect my son for the ret of his life, and I have no way of knowing at this time whether they have been right for him or not. He is 1.5 now, maybe we should as him when he is a married man with children of his own. Until then, all I can do is try, this is all my husband can do too. One thing I will teach my son, and it is a lesson that is important to me, is that no human being can be defined by the worst thing he has ever done.
Lastly it was VERY hard to get support. I had to call and call and deal with some real morons (one lady told me that I should wear more lingerie for my hubby, this was a domestic violence phone supprot person I had just made contact with. Not cool). I had to really stick it out to get the great support I have now, ditto for my hubby. unless you have tried you just dont know how hard it can be. Please try to remember that some of you, your comments seem to make it sound like a cake walk when it feels more like a perp walk sometimes.
@Sarah; I understand your sentiments however that is not always the case. Dealing in generalities and stereotypes leads to misunderstanding of the issue. It is probably even more prevalent that your scenarionis not the case than when it is. It could simply be that the man is having a nervous breakdown about the fact that he does not feel ready for the resposability of parenthood. Or that it is an economic issue. Ther are any number of psychological conditions brought on by stress that can lead to domestic altercations. It is far from an excuse, yet it is a valid reason.
@Alex's mommy and Sahrah99999
I urge you to look at @Kat comment for help in your situation. I hope you find the strength inside to make a life changing choice that I know will not be easy.But you seem like a strong person and am sure you will do right by your children and yourself.
Thoughts on HIS(psychopaths) increased aggression during pregnancy:
1) These psychopaths are all about CONTROL.
They need/want/must have "CONTROL".
2) When a women gets pregnant, they no longer have CONTROL.
a) The women gets all the attention.
b) The baby is in HER body, SHE is in control of it's welfare.
c) The psychopath can't stand his loss of CONTROL
d) He takes control by being even MORE aggressive!
Punching, threatening, hitting, and even killing!
@Alexs' Mommy; Ty for sharing your story. You should never feel ashamed nor should you hide this from those close to you. I understand your reluctance though. Your continued relationship with your husband is commendable. You both have sought to find the root of the issue and address it productively. However what you said "I now knoe he is capable" is a bit off since every person on earth is capable of violence. The right circumstances can push anyone beyond what one would expect from them. The reason for elevated risk durring pregnance is the elevated stress level in the household. Whether it be economic or emotional stress a pregnancy is a huge factor in life and can be the catalyst of a breakdown. Again I commend you as an exemplar of rationality and commitment. Best wishes to you and your entact and hopefully happy familly.
some of you americans are bloody clueless, (im from ireland if you must know), have you seen the abuse that woman endured over nearly 20 years, if she had chopped his feet off while he slept and then proceeded to torture the fecker to death were he lay, id have still given her the MEDAL OF HONOUR, you people make me laugh, like you would know how to escape a lunatic like him and @ ROBERT ALLEN, you are one fecking pr1ck, you say the lord helps those who help themselves so basically all the people who died in the sunamie in 2004 shouldnt have died because if they had swam a bit harder the lord would have helped them, what a fookin genius you are and yes, i do want to offend you because you need offending, ya muppet!!!!!
big up the ra!!!! NEVER BACK DOWN
@Sarah99999
Thank You for your posting's and trying to get the point of all this across to people who have never experianced domestic violence. I remember back to one xmas eve 27 years ago where I took refuse in one of Glasgow's Catholic Catherdal's ( I am not religious ). It was watch night service and I knew that my two sons were safe after the service the priest told me to go home and pray as I must have done something wrong I am glad some people have started to learn more about D.V. My advice is still the first time you are hit pushed or are scared get out asap because it gets worse it is a lot easier now but if your confidance has been chiped away for years it looks too hard also you feel exhausted as you are consantly full of flight or fright hormones. I hope Wendy and Randy have had a nice time during the resent holiday's and hope someone has seen this documentary and has the legal expertise to take up thier cause and at least cut their sentances as the lived a life sentance when they lived with their abuser
Linda
I had a hard time with this one and with many of the comments. My husband of 4 years became violent during my second trimester of my first (only pregnancy). I later learned that pregnancy is statistically one of the most if not the most densgerous time for a woman insofar as domestic violence up to and including murder are concerned. I contacted every resource I could think of and told his family and mine. Mine was actually supportive of both myself and him... That might sound bizarre but they had known him as a good man for 4 years before this started and so it was pretty hard for them to turn their backs on him. His family blamed me outright and does to this day. I got a true window into the familial dynamic that can breed abuse; their reaction was so hostile and so disbelieving...
I changed the locks, got a restraining order and began to see a domestic violence cousellor. My husband began attending a behaviour change group and slowly we restablished contact. My decision to finally allow him to move home was not made lightly, and there is always a part of me that freezes up when he gets upset...there has been no violence, but I know, and will always know that it is something he is capable of, and it has changed our relationship and it wont change back.
My situation is not identical to Wendy's. No two situations are. To those who made the, in my opinion, ignorant comments basically saying that she got what she deserved, etc, I doubt what I have written will change you. That's ok.
Many times a marriage becomes an act of weighing the negatives and the postives. My husband has become a wonderful father, with patience that I sometiems envy. I grew up without a father, mine died when I was 2. I have to weigh the potential risk of exposing my son to violence in sometime in the future to having him grow up like I did with a piece of himself forever missing.
I still attend weekly domestic violence counselling, and have been counselled to trust my instincts and always have an excape planned. As I write this I have my passports travelling custody papers and enough money to return home to Canada (I live in Australia where my husband is from) hidden but accessable. This is the reality of my life, and a choice I have made and not easily I might add. I always thought that if a man ever touched me roughly I would leave him, and I was surprised that I didnt... maybe if pregnancy and the isolation of a move accross the globe hadnt made me so vulnerable it would have played out differently, I can't say. I know that while it might not be a popular opinion I believe that some abusers can change, I have seen in over the past year and a half. I am also not ignorant enough to think that I am free and clear...
I also would like anyone reading this to understand that with the exception of my DV counsellor and my family I have kept this to myself. I feel comfortable telling strangers on a message board but shame would never allow me to tell my best friends. I also know that unlike me, many women do not even tell counsellors or family at all. And reading messages like the ones above might reinforce the shame that many women feel in opening up and getting the support they need. Please try to understand, I love my son with all my heart. I never want him to see anything that will damage him, and have worked so hard to try and make his life as safe as possible. I also want to give him the chance to know his father, and if I leave back to Canada he never will. As I previously stated, my life is the act of continual weighing...
@Robert Allen
I beleive if it were in the heat of battle she should've gotten off.But it wasn't.To be quite honest with you the man needed to die anyway but unfortunatly society would look at this as a weak point in the judicial system.
There are a lot of false reports of domestic abuse in US and unfortunatly dis-credits alot of the real ones.I hope te lady spends her days in prison as uncompliated as possible......very emotional
@Sarah99999
Her husband wasn't around 24 hours a day, every day. Remember, sometimes he went hunting--and sometimes he slept. So, despite his threats, she had a few opportunities to do something, like cry for help. Once again, the Lord helps those who help themselves.
But when all's said and done, I agree with you, she should not be serving time--and she wouldn't be with effectual representation, a salient point omitted in the documentary.
As I indicated in an earlier E-mail, the judge skirted his responsibility to avoid a miscarriage of justice when he first averred the facts and then stated that his hands were tied, i.e., that he had to sentence her. No, his hands were not tied, for a judge, no matter the state, has and must practice discretion whenever a strict application of the law leads to an inequitable result.
In short, Wendy's fate was not a fault of the system, but rather of those practicing under it.
In closing, the local school board deserves a goodly amount of the opprobrium. When Wendy's eldest son indicated (apparently in a classroom) that he was going to kill his father, the matter should have been investigated immediately! Like the mother, the son has no business being a prisoner.
The reasons to imprison someone are
1) if they are a danger to society
2) to rehabilitate them
3) as an example deter others from committing the same crime.
1)She is clearly not a danger to society
2)There is nothing to rehabilitate.
3)She didn't commit a crime she murdered a sadistic psychopath, and for sure saved her children, herself, and others from further assaults and probable death.
4) She saved the government a lot of money by killing him, because after his future crimes (it was just a matter of time), he would have gotten LIFE in jail
@Sarah99999
I understand your heart felt sympathy for this women as do I. But look whats she's going to be missing for the next 10 yrs. I agree that the courts do not take domestic violence seriously.
My only concern(and this is coming from a person who would never tolerate domestic violance in the family)is that every person who gets pushed or scratched and nothing more will claim domestic violance as an excuse to kill.I'm not talking about the cold hearted motherf&%ker that did this to this poor women.
I do not beleive a man should beat a women and I do not beleive a women should beat a man.But Sarah, there are a lot of people who know how to munipalate the system and it's done more than you think.(I am not appling it in this case)
As I said before in my earlier comment I beleive she could have chosen a diffeent road at that moment .But on the other hand I wasn't in her shoes.And please remember we are having a polite conversation on this topic .I by in no means want to offend you.
Consider this . .
If a man kidnaps you, tortures you, and threatens to kill you and your family. . . but then he falls asleep. . . . and
If the only way you can save yourself and your family, is to kill him while he's sleeping. THAT IS NOT MURDER . . . THAT IS SELF DEFENSE. There is no way she should be in Jail!!!!!!
People a right to kill in self defense. And if that wasn't self defense, I don't know what is!
She could not leave. He threatened to kill her family if she left! Threats to kill her family members served as a restraint from leaving. She had no choice but to stay and endure the abuse to "protect her family from being killed" by him.
She did nothing wrong and everything right IMHO. In this case the law is dead wrong. Any sane women that had gotten into that situation with that insane "animal" would have done the same thing.
@Sarah99999 and ProudinUS
This is not a case of right; it's a case of engendered necessity.
The maudlin excuses proffered by Wendy's apologists do not belie Wendy's aggravation of the situation by staying and having more children by her abuser (I hesitate to call him a husband). To use the venerable cliché, "The lord helps those who help themselves." (By the way, it des not appear in the bible--not even in psalms where folklore has it). Therefore, by making no effort to do anything about her situation short of stoic acceptance, matters came to a head.
However, of greater import is the issue of the good which can emanate from Wendy's decade-long sojourn in a correctional institution when she could be spending the time more profitably raising her children? What about her is supposed to be corrected, her stupidity? Perhaps this harsh and unjustified sentence was passed merely to deter other battered spouses from taking the same action? If so, it just won't work.
Quite frankly, I doubt that you would be raising the question of murder if Wendy had slain the animal she married in the heat of combat.
@Sarah99999
Are you saying that every man?woman that is ib a domestic abuse situation has the right to kill?
Are you advocating that every woman/man that is in a domestic abuse situation has the right to kill?
There is no way they could have killed him when he was awake.
He would/could have overpowered them.
Think of the man in Austria that hid his daughter in the celler for 10-20 years (I forget) and had several children with her that never saw the light of day.
Would you say if if she killed him while he was asleep, she is guilty?
This is the same thing. It is psychological, physical, social,
horrific abuse. He threatened her and her family and she knew he would carry out those threats. She did everyone a favor by killing him and they should be rewarding and honoring her.
I think most of us can agree that Wendy was in a tough situation. Of times the family does not know how to help. The abused has to be ready to leave. I think we can agree abuse is abuse regardless of the sex of the offender or victim. In my opinion the fact that she and her son attacked him while he was sleeping was factor in the sentence being so strict. Had they killed him during one of his assaults then self defense would have been easier to establish.
The system needs improving, no doubt about it.
I think she is a hero! She saved her children and herself from a further torture and abuse and probably death. She also saved others from death . . because he was most definitely on the path to serial killing, as he expressed in his fantasies.
Domestic abuse attorneys ought to be out there fighting to release her, and other women who have killed their abusive spouses.
Disturbing doc. it seems that the laws in Oregon do not serve protection of the people that need protection, hope that they can appeal for a lesser sentence or have it rescinded.
I was glad to see a couple of men in the comment section here bring up the fact of woman on man violence. For those who made comments like "we need to understand domestic violence" and never even touch on this issue. I have read statistics that show a likelihood of woman on man domestic violence surpassing man on woman in todays society. That can in part be attributed to the privilage of knowing that nomatter what you do as a woman, a man cannot strike you. I had an expirience too where a woman I was with was violent and imballanced. The one time I ever layed a hand on her was to restrain her from smashing me over the head with something. The result of that event was a restraining order against me. The police had pictures of my scratched and bruises etc. But I am a man, and too often in this country that equals automatic guilt. Further when I appeared in court with phone records showing no fewer than 300 calls made by her to my number during the month of the temporary order along with eye witnesses to her stalking my home the judge issued a continuation of the order in her favor. His reason was that, since I didn't care either way why not err on the side of caution.
True this woman never should have been subjected to this but to open up this discussion board as a site for man bashing is ignoring the truth of domestic violence.
Very sad.
I beleive the punishment met the crime though.Murder is unexceptable in any situation.It's sad she had to go through the terror of this man but what she did ,by her own comments when she was being interveiwed,was first degree murder.What I mean by this is she had time to choose another alternative.
It wasn't a spur of the moment action.
What I want t know is why the family members and freinds didn't take action long before this(calling law inforcement I mean)? I know some will say because they were scared....."UNEXCEPTABLE"......
I beleive a man hitting a women is cowardly and should not be accepted in our society but unfortunatly there are to many blind heads that just turn the other way.
Good doc.
@ Robert Allen
I will reiterate that unless you have been in Wendy's shoes you have no idea how hard it is to tell folks. It is not a simple matter of telling folks.
Please understand I have no animosity towards you. But"All in all, I urge you to learn to read." indicates you seem peeved at me. I agree the system let her down. I agree there are many resources easily seen from the outside. She had nothing to compare this relationship to, she was married very young. Again everything , including thought process is different from the inside.
As a man, I have been in 3 abusive relationships myself. I first want to remind people that woman can be abusive just as much as a man can. But I also know that change is a hard thing sometimes. The thought of losing so much if you leave the person is somtimes enough to make you think of ways to make things better so the abuse to stop. Also, in most cases I'm sure, there are many good times. Its easy to think about and remember the good times and good things that happen. With thinking about the good things and the thought of losing everything if you leave is enough to keep a person from leaving. The thoughts are; I can do things different so that I dont make them mad so much. Then the bad times will go away, and I wont have to lose everything and start over. Its also easy to remember them as you fell in love with them rather than how they are at the time of abuse.
About her deciding to kill him when she did.. I think she wouldnt have if not for her and the son doing it together. They fed off each other in a moment of despair.
these are the uncoded horrors that our society faces today and would conti... untill women like ....
this is the virtual raelity which marks our existence
LAW ..!! wat to remark is blind justice seems sooooo far from ones sight
when unlawfull trading and treding continues to happen infront of the power loaded people
the idea of violence is introduced through the way we are governed through the legal status of the country or a nation ...or the law of the globe
as, wud like it to rephrazed..
in this world where an dignity to live with honour and respect ...nd value our own individual lives to the fullest of extend possi a basic NEED is not granted there we talk of EQUALITY FREEDOM the long dreamt noitions which dont at seem to turn in reality
itz basically the mirage effect
its been too long now and we have been too tolerant for too long now its become imperative for all of us to reproduce and recreate the creative process and dissolving the stagnant .....nd get a process of change in existence.
@Mowgli
According to the documentary, Wendy had plenty of kin who would have heeded her cry for help, if only she had opened her mouth to ask for it. Instead, the situation worsened to the point of criminality. Please understand, I don't consider Wendy a criminal.
There are a million reasons for doing nothing and you've enunciated a good many of them.
All in all, I urge you to learn to read. However, I'll try to clarify. I put the blame for Wendy's unjust incarceration not on Wendy, but on the prosecution, her attorney and the judge, in short, what is pedestrianly referred to as the system.
What is there left to say?
My Love goes out to Wendy and her family ... and to all people who are trapped in an environment under the absolute control of a tyrannical bully.
damn, my bf looks exactly like him, but younger ofc
hi
a comment to you, atabey.
If there was a "god", why didn`t he interfere when he saw the abuse she and her children suffered. Why did he just watch and let it happen?
i have been told that the x-tian "god" sees, hears and knows all.
It should be easy for him to stop it, right?
I can only say Wendy and Randy I have the greatsest respect for you and hope that you and your family have a brilliant life once you are all reunited. I feel very emotional right now. As I watched this documentary unfold I went through evey beating along with Wendy. I was in an abusive marrage from 1981 untill I left in 1986, I did not get the peace I was looking for untill after a fight with his latest girlfriend he was left brain damaged and could not remember me or our 3 children. I also know how those kid's feel as my 2 sons went through the same thing fortunatly my daughter was only 12 weeks old
when I left I thought one day do I want her to experiance
this, it was very hard to walk away from our home in a affluent part of Glasgow and go through the homeless system
where you are put in a hostle untill the homeless persons unit finds you a house and these are usualy in hard to let area's. I have been in a very happy relationship for the last 20 years, so please if your partner male or female
lifts their hand to you once get away because every beating
that follows is more severe than the first sorry for ranting on but this is the first time I have let this out. Kat could you let me know more of your research thanks.
Linda
I disliked this guy in the first eight minutes, the complete disregard for the dead animal, puts him in my sights. I am only on the second part of this doc.
Thanks Kat
I actually did a presentation about Domestic abuse.i did a lot of research about myths regarding this problem.
I am going to show you why women often can't leave from the source material I used for my presentation in a Recovery Support Worker's course.If you would like the whole thing sent to you please let me know because it is important to become educated in regards to this very sensitive topic.
"If it were that bad she would just leave"
-Leaving a violent relationship is the most dangerous time for a woman: she may fear for her safety and her children’s safety if she leaves.
-Some victims never tell anyone about the abuse: they may feel ashamed or embarrassed, or fear being stigmatized by others.
-He may have promised to change, or kill himself if she leaves.
-She may live in an isolated area, or be socially-isolated, and lack access to information, resources and support.
-She may face communication, language or cultural barriers.
-She may be economically dependent on her partner and fear poverty for herself and her children.
-Emotional abuse may have worn down her self-confidence.
She may think the abuse is her fault, because her partner tells her it is. To accept that “no matter what she does, she can’t win” feels like she has no control over her life. It may be easier to think it is somehow her fault. If she changes, maybe he will too.
-She may have strong beliefs about keeping family together, or may experience similar pressure from relatives.
-She may be reluctant to report the abuse to the police, either because she fears retaliation, does not believe that involving the criminal justice system can help, or fears losing her children.
Other reasons victims are not able to leave:
-If they are a person of a minority they may be afraid of prejudice or being blamed for going outside of your community for help.
-If they are a lesbian,Gay,Bisexual or Transgendered person they may be afraid of revealing their sexual orientation.
-If they are physically or mentally challenged or elderly they may depend on their abuser to care for them and may not have anyone else to rely on.
-If they are a male victim of abuse there may be a lot of shame and fear that no one will believe them or take it seriously.
-If they are from another country they may be afraid of being deported.
-If their religion makes it hard for them to get help they may feel they have to stay and not break up the family.
-If they are a teen they cannot hide and often go to school with their abuser gay and Lesbian teens may also be very isolated and scared to get help
Hope that helps.
I thought her speech at the end was powerful - she articulated her distrust of the justice system and how it reflected the abusive relationship she had been stuck in.
What a travesty of justice. To have endured so much suffering and then at the end to be further punished.
To those questioning why she didn't 'just leave' - go read some literature on abusive dynamics and educate yourself. It takes most women eight attempts to leave an abusive spouse. The abuser hoovers them back in with nice behaviour and the appearance of 'change'. Then the cycle starts all over again.
Economic abuse is a powerful control mechanism and certainly appeared to be prevalent in this relationship. She didn't work so had no independent money of her own. How do you leave when you have no resources? Where can you go for free with four kids?
I think a larger fear for her was that he would kill the children or her loved ones. And if he was that violent then he was certainly capable of that.
@Mowgli
2. Fine, he hunted. I didn't see anybody dressed in deer skin.
1. 3. At least Wendy would have had a better chance with the legal system with all its shortcomings than she would have had with her husband.
4. I don't give credit to idiocy. Had the case been handled competently, Wendy would be home raising her kids right now. Furthermore, if Wendy had been tried for first degree murder instead of plea bargaining to second degree, no jury would have convicted her--and the prosecution must have known that. In other words, a competent attorney would have realized that the prosecution had no bargaining chips. But again, I'm just going by what was presented in the documentary.
5. If judges had to go strictly by the letter of the law,we'd do better to replace them with computers. Instead, they are given discretion--in this case, the discretion to realize that no good would be obtained by incarcerating Wendy for 10 years and her eldest son for 7. The judge in this case took the lazy way out--maybe his calendar was too crowded or maybe the religious tirade of Aaron's brother got to him.
@dadul- I understood you. I was on the Wendy side of abuse for over 15 years. It took many visits to the courts and hospital to eventually get the police to believe it could happen. I remember talking to the police with blood pouring from my nose , ear, and scratches all over my face and a crying baby had had my blood all over him because I was protecting him. Their response- it's just domestic violence you guys have to deal with it. Sadly they knew me and the situation because of multiple visits.
@ Robert Allen-
1. Seriously? psychological abuse is a big part of it. she stated he had sex when he wanted and she felt if just gave she would be safe for that moment.
2.Looked like he hunted so he could supply food. I have no idea what the other forms of income were. Looks like economic abuse, another part of the cycle.
3.Yes there are laws but abused individuals have ways of not pushing forward out of fear of increased violence. She was told if she said anything he would kill her kids and family.Laws very from state to state and district to district. In some locales the authorities need only see damage to a human to be able to push forward. Others the victim need to push through on prosecution. In my case I was forced to go to court. My abuser threatened to kill me if I followed through. I exercised my 5th rights and was beaten and that night and was told it didn't matter because the police thought I was liar. She then stole my things and sold them to pay for her attorney costs.
4.Again not sure of the laws for that state. But give her credit for admitting to her crime and serving her time for it.
5. Again Had her attorney taken it trial and used self defense then perhaps different scenario. But I was understanding that judges are bound by the letter of the law.
Oh man, I sobbed so hard at the end of this. I'm still tearing up. I can't believe how strong Wendy and her kids were -- they were so close, and loved each other, yet I can't even imagine what sort of nightmare they lived every day. Its amazing to see how people living under domestic horror and violence can still just... survive. I don't know, I can't articulate it; but, the way she and her son were resigned to their fate, and somehow content, because they knew their family was safe broke my heart. And how he wouldn't let her do it alone...
Ye gads, all those neighbors that were interviewed -- I kept thinking, "Why didn't you do something!?" and yet, I can't help but think even if they did (other than that one fellow who tried to make the cops go back) it might have been worse.
This documentary was like emotional broken glass.
I agree with the statement, "In a civilized society, this brave woman and her son would have walked out of the court as free persons. There is something
called “self defence”. What a shame. We are equal but some are more equal that otheres. Such is the history of Women in a society ruled by violence. May God protect and provide a good life to this heroic family!
I agree with the statement, "In a civilized society, this brave woman and her son would have walked out of the court as free persons. There is something
called “self defence”. What a shame. We are equal but some are more equal that otheres. Such is the history of Women ina society ruled by violence. May God protect and provide a good life to this heroic family!
So sad how women can be abused or such a long time. I always say that I would never stay in a situation like that, and I don't think I would; but I guess you never know until you personally experience it, especially since so many women seem to take that s@#$.
Several aspects of this documentary made little sense:
1. The most obvious is why Wendy didn't leave her abusive husband rather than having more kids by him.
2. How were the Maldonados able to sustain themselves and their children when apparently none of them worked?
3. Although it knew of the situation, why did law enforcement do next to nothing--I mean there are laws in every state prohibiting child endangerment.
4. Why were Wendy's counsel and her son's so obviously ineffective? No attorney worth his salt would have agreed to a plea bargain in given the facts of the case and a prosecutor would be extremely reluctant to have it go to trial.
5. The statement of the judge made little sense in light of the argument of equity, i.e., a strict application of the law would work an injustice. In such a situation, no judge is bound by the letter of the law.
Life by the sword, die by the sword....... I just wish that psycho would have planted the hammer in his head himself before he met her!!!!! My heart goes to Wendy , her children and all their family. Also to the family of that individual Aaron, for they must also go through the pain, not only of loosing a child\brother.... but also to know that part of your family can be so monstrous. Violence will always be tragic, the only way of controlling by those who inflict it, a life sentence of scars ( mental) to those who suffer it. I am sad this happens......
i am sorry if my english up there sounded a bit convoluted...
I just wrote it along with whatever my heart and mind dictated..i hate editings..besides english isn't my first language. I am far away from the Himalayas.
I just grabbed my wife's hand because she threw all the frames on the wall and broke them.
Then she dialed 911. I was locked up for a night...that was the most humiliating and self-degrading moment of my life. I have scars over my body from her scratches. I have had the urge to leave her but my two beautiful children has become my only strength that has held me back. I see this as my karma and i try to always understand myself better inorder to change her...sometimes it appears to be working (mind you, its a religion of no border). but then again the pattern emerges... she is obstinate by nature..and egotistical. It is hard for somebody working six days a week, eleven hours a day to undergo such pressure. But i don't look at this with vengeful action rather through analytical mind and try to reason out , in the car,every morning as i set out to work and try to downplay my situation with much more severe cases out there. It is very sad that between two intelligent and fully grown up individuals have to experience such intimidation and anger just to live a "simple" life.
Of the entire comments i have witnessed here...nobody paid a mind to the dead fawn. There in lies our weakness i think. The dead fawn had a life but there is no penalty for killing it - because its considered a sport (?) its barbarism!! ..had there been one, i guess the man would have long been in prison and the lady and his sons wouldn't have to face the consequence.
Amazing film. My heart goes out to that family. I can't imagine what suffering and torture they had to endure for so many years. Although murder is rarely the answer, I think they were justified in their acts. If only she chose to do that in a moment of self defense (while he was in the act of abusing her) I wonder if she would have gotten a lighter sentence. That son Randy is pretty amazing too and clearly did what did to protect his brothers and mom.
@norbag: you are completely right! it's unbelievable she still has to go to jail. it's wrong! especially with all the proof from what he did to them.
anybody who says different needs to try and place themselves in the shoes of that woman. No one could cope with that kind of abuse, she held out a very long time, i would've done it much sooner.
Believe me, a guy like that... you dont just leave. especially when there are kids involved and you know what he is capable of. And this one... really was extremely violent if i hear all that.
she is lucky that she hit him hard enough, otherwise she might be the one that would've been dead.
And if there was a God, (which it isn`t obviously) he should have interfered and stopped the 19 yrs long abuse of wife and children.
A truly horrible case.
In a civilized society, this brave woman and her son would have walked out of the court as free persons. There is something
called "self defence".
Seems like womens rights in the USA is on the same level as in Saudi Arabia and Iran.
I am shocked at the people who said that she should have been able to leave. Was no one paying attention? She very specifically said that he had threatened to kill her family if she left. And by the way- did you even watch the part where the police came and did nothing? If she had cried out to the police, they would have taken him in and most likely he would be walking our streets right now, out to get her, her children and family again. I dunno, I think her son is very brave and she was looking out for her family the best that she could.
I'll have to watch this put in response to people saying men should stop hitting people are forgetting that this abuse works in both directions. When a man is abused by a woman it mostly goes unreported due to the shame of it. Domestic abuse is always a bad thing regardless of the age and sex of the one being abused.
I cant help but wonder..... during the film she said the kids didn't go to school and he didn't work?? how did they afford to live and eat?? also all those big burly men who watched this man beating the shit out a woman and not one did anything. IF my hubby saw that he wouldv'e broken both his arms (then he'd probably hit her with the cast.) don't mean to make light of this. I cried thru most of it. The judge summed it up perfectly- nobody won. I hope these kids get lots of therapy and go to school.
it is surprising to me that there is such a lack of understanding about Domestic Violence in this country. Domestic Violence is an equal opportunity plague in our society; I never understood how anyone could possibly end up in a situation like Wendy's. I did.
Her strength, courage, and wisdom that she has imparted to her children is amazing. It's unfortunate that no one in our society could help them through the proper authorities. It is sad and unfortunate that taking a life was the only way to end the torture for this family.
I like the way you talk, chickenpants. Alright then.
God Bless her and her Kids…
@ Meh- part of the cycle of abuse includes psychological. It is not easy to walk away. Abuser create scenarios which make the abused feel isolated and worthless. No where to go , n one to turn to, no escape.
some folks call it a kaiser blade. i call it a sling blade, mmhmm.
She was stupid to have married him. She killed him in his sleep. A not so stupid woman would have found a way to kill him when he was attacking her or her kids. A not so utterly stupid woman wouldn't have involved her son, whom she said she was protecting. A not so stuipd woman would have divorced his ars 3 months after she married him!
It's hard to feel sympathy for such a stupid person. She not even mentally handicaped, just plan inbreed stupid. Obviously she was abused, but she's certainly not heart-broken for her husband's death. No one is. I'm quite sure he was as bad as she said, but she should have just done it in a way where she wouldn't have to go to jail afterwards. Get a gun. Arm grandma and whomever else needs to be protected. Run away, and if he comes after you or grandma (like you know he would), then plug him in his dim-witted head! No jail and you're rid of him just the same.
What's so sad is how obviously sharp the oldest Brother is. I understand the consequences of his actions but it still seems like a freedom fight to me.
I am a man and we have no right to hit other people including the ones we love and to torture our familys. I do not blame her for what she did to protect her family cause i would have done the same thing and she should not have to go to jail. E ventually he would have killed her..There is no place on this earth for men like that..God Bless her and her Kids...
Why women choose to be with such abusive men perplexes me. I am positive she knew a nice guy in her life who wanted to be with her but she chose the bad boy over the nice guy. It was her choice to remain in the abusive relationship and expose her children to it. Both parties are at fault and i have no sympathy for either of them.
watched one minute... i think i leave at that...
i think its sad for wife who gets mashed up every day of her life
i can give nothing more then respect to the kid who protects his mum from a caveman
I really hope these boys don't perpetuate the violence they have seen and lived.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. People are given lesser sentences for doing much worse. What a strong family
So sad. Men like that make me sick.
I wonder why she didn't get away that first time he told her his fantasy of being a serial killer, that right there would have terrified me enough to leave.
Just hope the best future for her and her sons.
Maybe she thought he would go after her?
simply tragic. Justice done but not served. Men need to stop hitting people.
Profile of a serial killer would be someone who takes pleasure in hurting and torturing animals.
I wish the family all the best for success in their lives.